Only about 80% terrible

In 2017, life was a nightmarish trash fire. I endured more stress, more grief, and more physical and emotional shock than I remember ever having experienced in this lifetime.

And yet, there were good things too.

1. I was named to my tradition at Ostara, and earned a bigger shovel: I now have more responsibilities and more reasons to keep learning and using my skills to bring light to the world. My public name is FireHeart.

2. I quit my tech job in May, in an epic and truly daunting move, and have set up shop as a consultant. I never really stopped working for myself, but I had to re-frame and reconfigure everything so it feels like starting over brand-new, which is a little horrifying given that I have eleven years’ experience at running a solo business. However, my ability to be here for my kids and take care of the emotional needs of my household has made up for the loss of all the money I used to make.

3. Alexa and I celebrated our first wedding anniversary. You can’t see it but I’m grinning right now. 🙂 In 22 days, it’ll be our two-year anniversary of meeting each other and falling extremely in love. EXTREMELY.

4. My Patreon grew from zero to sixteen people, and eight of them are in my business support group on Facebook. This brings me such joy, and I’m planning to move the subscription model off Patreon’s site in the next several months since it is working so much better than I’d hoped.

5. My spouse’s girlfriend’s husband Rob (hashtag polyamory) has become so dear and important to me that I refer to him as my brother, and we have an understanding that we will love and protect each other’s children as our own. I am so excited for him to be a father one day.

6. I have lost count of how many crushes I’ve experienced this year, and whether they were flash-in-the-pan or still going strong, I cherish each and every one.

7. There are three adults in the house now: my oldest child turned eighteen. I can’t describe how it feels, exactly, but there has been a shift in my understanding of my place in the world. I have successfully raised an adult child who is kind, thoughtful, funny, and who knows how to do his own chores. Also, he swears and tells terrible jokes, so I think we can all call that a win.

8. Three months ago, I started a low-dose weekly testosterone injection. I desperately wanted to match my outsides to my insides, although HOW to really do that is tricky at best. Over the past twelve weeks, my voice has dropped, my body hairs are growing like weeds in late July, my emotional regulation has been the best in my life, my boundaries are stronger than ever, and my physical strength is increasing.

Thanks for the memories, 2017.

I woke up this morning and noticed that it doesn’t really feel like a new year so much as a Monday, the start of a week, the blank slate that we get every day we wake up.

I can work with that.

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